Destiny Islands

You’ve been tortured so much, and I appreciate that you still manage to feel and work for me. Between the cheating, hidden pregnancies, and lies, I’m surprised you can even feel anything for a man at this point.
However, now that this Marc kid is around, I can tell you really like him. Stop that. For the sake of you and I, he cannot be a part of the picture.
Forget the butterflies, the smiles, the laughter, forget that little tug you get when he logs on and messages me. Remember what that all led to when it was another man. Do you really want that to happen all over again? … I didn’t think so.

But at the same time… He’s not the one who broke you. He’s not the one who made you ache every time I inhaled another breath. He’s not the one who left us wounded. He’s not the one who wanted to watch me feel pain, or cry. He’s not the one who has stopped me from dating for over a year now…

I know you miss that feeling… love. Feeling like the luckiest little heart in the world, because you get to give your all to the most perfect man in the whole world, and never worry that you might get hurt. I mean, of course we are no where near being in love with this man, it’s only been 2 weeks. But I tell you, I could tell from the first conversation that we were on dangerous territory. This man is a complication in my “no-dating” routine.

But… one little date isn’t going to kill us, right? Tomorrow should be okay, right? He wouldn’t hurt you like the last one did… right?
Do we want to risk it? Should we? … I mean, he seems like he’s worth the trouble. But… so did the last.
I guess it’s like people say — Don’t blame your present for what the past did.

Two weeks in, and already terrified of falling for a man I’m not even dating…

- Myranda.

I have so many fears that are beyond irrational it amazes me:
1. The fear that some day a person walking by me will stab me and leave me there to die.
2. Being afraid of my closet because it has an opening in the top like on The Grudge.
3. Thinking Freddy Kruegar(sp?) Will claw his way out of my bath drain like in his movies when I’m taking a bath.
4. Closing my eyes at night, and fearing someone will be watching me if I dare open them again.
5. Leaving my foot uncovered at night because something/one might grab it.
6. The downstairs of my house at night.
7. Looking in my eyes in the mirror for long periods of time, for fear my reflection might suddenly become its own person.
8. Looking out my kitchen window at night. (To be fair, there are woods back there.)
9. Silence.. it gives me the creeps.
10. Car accidents.. I know, this is a normal fear.. but my extent of the fear is very irrational. I never learned how to drive because I’m afraid ill crash.

A Guy I used to talk to nearly 2 years ago found me on a site and we began to text again.
I told him that I’ve changed since then. I told him that I don’t do some of the …exposing things.. that I used to do the last time we talked.
And then I said, “I’m waiting to find someone who truly loves me to have sex with. Because the last man I trusted in that way got what he wanted and left. I’ve been celibate for 8 months almost.”
then, he has the audacity to try to convince me that we are both young and sex is supposed to be fun and not full of love and commitment.
I’m sorry, but sex IS a commitment in my mind. It requires trust, and there will always be feelings afterwards, unless it’s like a drunken one night stand, which — big shocker — I don’t partake in.
And honestly, if I just said I’m waiting for the right Guy, and you want to have sex, why would you show me that you’re NOT the right Guy?

I wish I could meet a Guy who wouldnt bug me about having sex on the first day we start talking/reconnect.. /
3

As I began to type, Annie got up and stared at me. I was just going to say she’s sleeping and snoring rather loud and its cute :3… way to ruin the moment MRS. ANNIE.

Sometimes I wonder what It would have been like,

Growing up the last 4 years without you in  my life…

Would I still be meep, alone, and shy?

Would I still be in love, and crazy for another guy?

Impossible, I refuse to believe

that there could be someone else as perfect for me.

You make me laugh, smile, and give me butterflies,

You make me weak in the knees still after all this time.

It’s a little corny, I know…

But I love you, so why not let it show?

See… Sometimes I worry I’ll never be enough,

I worry ‘til I cry, ‘cause sometimes I can’t be that tough.

I’d hate to ever lose you, and the fulfillment you’ve given me,

I’d love if you’d stayed forever, and never left me empty…

Sometimes I wonder if you’re out there causing pain,

But with you, I feel like I’d never hurt again.

I hope my heart is right to trust you,

Even if it’s wrong, I’ll always love you…

Basically, I met this boy 4 years ago, and we started as nothing serious…We’d cam now and then and IM like once a week. Over time, we’ve still never been official, but it’s clear there’s something there… We try not to define it, because it’s so complicated. He sees other women, I see other men, but yet we manage to get on Skype and talk until after 2-3 am (which is 4-5 am for him) together, talking about cartoons, videogames, pokemon, our lives, our future, and such… Sometimes, I wonder if we really have a future, and sometimes I’m positive we will… because…I love him, and I would never want to live my life without him. I wonder if I’m too serious about him, but I guess it’s like my favorite quote goes, “You’ll never accomplish anything if you’re afraid of making mistakes.” Of course, I hope he’s not a mistake, but I’ll never know if I don’t take the chance.

Me: “HEY YOUR FRIEND FOLLOWED ME!”

Alex: “Who? OH HIM? Yeah.”

^^^ Very Positive Feedback there, Alex ^^^

Name: Legal: Zaraa A. — Birth: Myranda M. P.
Tumblr Name: HawaiianPaopuFruit (KH FTW)
Nickname(s): Myra?I really prefer to just be Myranda.

Birthday: May 23.

Relationship Status: Wouldn’t you like to know (; … No, srsly, Single. haha

Random fact about you: I’ve recently discovered my love for My Little Pony — Especially Rainbow Dash and PinkiePie. <3

Hobbies/Interests: Singing, Swimming, cooking, Being lazy.

Do you smoke/drink/do drugs: I drink, but once in a blue moon.

Why Tumblr?: Because my friend Alex said that I posted too much crap to Facebook, and that if I needed a blog, I could come here. So I did.

(Source: thatphilipboy)